3:45am: Wake up as planned! Chug 3/4 bottle of water and 1/2 power bar energy.
6:00am: Start getting nervous about not waking up on time. Until 7:45, I wake up every 15 minutes and check the clock.
7:45am: I'm up! And my god am I pumped. Music on, outfit on (this takes about about 20 minutes to assemble), rockin out in my hotel room until its time to meet my team.
8:30am: Meet Team in Training in the lobby. I am so inspired by everyone's excitement! Let's go Team! But am I wearing enough layers? Everyone's in jackets..I'm not. Let's hope its okay.
8:30 - 9:00am: Walk over to start line area with team and chat in anticipation.
9:00am: I break off. I need a little me time. Headphone in, legs warming up, time to focus.
9:15am: Enjoying my GU gel and walking over to the start line.
9:25am: In the corals, jumping around (its -19..gotta stay warm!). I see a few friends, wish them luck and psyche myself up.
9:30am: We're off! Well, I didn't cross until about 9:33 but nonetheless, we're off!
And here's where it goes wrong...
9:34am: Uh oh. There a dull pain in my right hamstring..maybe I'll just run it off. This has happened before and I know with a few strides, any soreness or glitches tend to subside.
9:40am: 1km in..the pain is still ever present. Who cares...just keep trucking, your doing great. The sun is shining, the weather is great, your team and friends are here and you've only 29km to go!
10am: 5km in. Why can't I shake this? It hurts even more. The pain has crawled into my glutes and IT and its starting to come in sharp jolts. I remember that it usually takes me 10km to really settle into a run, so let's wait until 10km and hopefully all will be well.
8km: This is not good. I find myself favouring my left leg. My cadence is off, my pace is slipping. How about taking it down a notch to let me leg recover, maybe that's what it needs?
10km: This is where I should start to feel good and I'm feeling worse than ever. My body is fighting me and the devil on my shoulder is telling me to turn around. I've trained my mind to overcome adversity and it tells my body and conscience to screw itself. 52 minutes in (a bit beyond my pace) and I decide to pick it. I understand the pain I'm going through and give myself options. Pick it up and go harder to 15km and take a quick break there and continue. Or stop.
11km: My body is screaming. My foot turnover is up. My hamstring is searing my pain, and tears as running from my eyes (dramatic, I know!). I give a little girl a high five in hopes of it cheering me up and giving me strength but I feel like I'm letting her down knowing that I struggling hard.
12km: Thoughts are running through my mind. "You are only 12km in - 12 is easy! Its nothing, just a warm up!", "Common Jenna, pull through, you will start to feel good soon!", "Remember the course, the real work doesn't come for another 5 km. Take it easy here and then get to work."
13km: I glance at my watch and see that I'm soaring. I'm running 4 minute kilometres. Jesus.
14km: Its too much. Usually when I run I am enjoying it and thinking about everything else but my body. All I can think about is pain and how much I dislike running at this particular moment. The bay to my left, the fans to my right, a gorgeous bridge up ahead - I can't even notice them with all my focus dedicated to how much it hurts.
15km: I see Erika and I stop. I look at my watch at see 1:11:56 - 15 k to go..I could get a 2:25 finish this year if I maintain my pace. But soon as I start talking, the waterworks erupt and I explain what's happened. A TNT coach sees me and talks me through it. As an athlete herself and understanding how competitive I like to keep this sport, she encourages me to rethink continuing the race. The buses across the street can take me to Emergency. I struggle with the idea as I watch runner's fly by. I look at my watch. I'm wasting time if I want to be running. She looks me in the eye and asks me if I want to run next week. I say yes. She smiles and guides me toward the bus. I give Erika my best wishes and hobble across the course with my coach guiding me to the right decision.
I fought with myself for over an hour, urging my body to maintain a good pace, coaxing my mind that I'd be okay and I'd do great. I struggled hard today but in the end, I realized my body was really just trying to get my attention. I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make in race, and that was to stop. I don't want to say I 'quit' because I didn't have to spirit of a quitter.
I had the courage, drive and fight to run against pain for 15km, finishing in a personal best time with the prospect of finishing the whole race in 2:25:00. Incredible. But, I knew if I challenged my body any further, it would stop begging for my attention and refute by causing further injury.
Two injections in my hamstring and a strong Tylenol later, I'm in my hotel room, disappointed I was not able to finish, but proud that I can the courage to try - and did a hell of a job achieving it!
Every run hereafter will be redemption and will remind me that I already have the mental toughness to get through anything. Now to build back up the strength in my leg so that I can get to that near 2:25 finish next time.
Yours in health,
Jenna
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